You Can Breathe Now (Maybe We Were Made For Each Other)
by Selena Marie Weasley
Summary: "But it's not enough. Her loving him the way he's always wanted her to." Set during the porch scene at the end of the season 2 finale from Iris' POV. Canon divergence in that Barry doesn't go back to save his mom, he just leaves. What happens when he returns two months later? Barry/Iris. Westallen.


_Takes place during the porch scene from the season 2 finale and what comes after from Iris' POV. Slight canon divergence in that Barry doesn't try and save his mom he just goes off and does his own thing. This also contains their reunion when he comes back. Title comes from the Jack's Mannequin song MFEO Pt. 1 Made for Each Other Pt 2 You Can Breathe. I apologize for any mistakes that have slipped through._

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

 _I love you, Barry_

It's the easiest thing in the world for her to say. She speaks in a quiet voice her words are for him and him only. She needs him to know that she feels the same way he does that it's not in the _aw Barry, I love you too_ way _._ Needs him to know that it's not something that's going to go away, that she loves him with every fiber of her being.

And that damn smile on his face nearly does her in. Because for a moment all the pain is gone and there's pure joy on his face and she's sure that now this all he's ever wanted to hear her say. And god, she wishes the timing was better, wishes he wasn't so broken, wishes she could help him. All she wants is to know what it's like to really be loved by Barry, for him to love her the way he's always wanted to, the way he's wanted to for years. She wants to love him the way she wants to, wants him to know what it's like for her to love him.

Slowly he leans in towards her and she knows what's coming and there's no way in hell she's going to stop it from happening. So she gives in and lets herself be pulled closer to him by that imaginary magnet that always seems to draw her to him. That pull that she's been fighting for so long and now she's done fighting, done pretending she doesn't feel it. Briefly she meets his eyes before he glances down at her lips and she continues to inch forward before her eyes flutter shut. She misses the way his lips part slightly just as hers do, misses the way his eyes close as well.

They meet halfway. She's surprised by how soft his lips are when they finally touch hers. And it's nothing more than a gentle touch of their lips together, but she finds herself forgetting everything, everything but Barry and his lips and his taste and how perfectly their lips fit together.

The kiss lasts about three seconds before he's pulling away. But it's enough to create a sense of longing for her. Longing to know what it to be like to kiss him longer, to explore this more. She wants more and she knows she can't have it.

 _I love you too and I always will_

His words she should make her over the moon happy, but instead she just wants to cry. It's not that she's happy to hear it, she is, but he's giving her the most heartbreaking smile and she knows this is goodbye. His eyes shine with tears mirroring the look in her eyes and she can just _feel_ his love for her deep in her bones so much so that it physically aches.

But it's not enough. Her loving him the way he's always wanted her to. He's reassuring her, reminding her that nothing is going to change. He's not going to stop loving her and she's not going to stop loving him. She knows they will find their way back to each other. They always do. And she'll be waiting for him when he comes back home to her.

There's nothing left for her to say so she squeezes his knee and gets to her feet a sad smile on her face. She's not going to hold him back any longer. She can feel his restlessness, how much he needs to run, to get out of here. She looks down at him and he's looking back out on the street. For a moment she takes him in, memorizes what he looks like because she knows this going to be the last time she sees him for a while.

And it hurts. Oh god it hurts so fucking much. It feels like her heart is being ripped out of her chest and then stepped on. But she tells herself she's doing the right thing by letting him go because all she wants is for him to be happy, to see him happy again. And if this is what he needs then of course she is going to support him because he's always supported her, always waited for her and he's put her first countless times so obviously she's going to do the same thing for him.

Before she does something stupid like asking him to stay she turns away from him and walks the remaining space between her and the door. She pauses with her hand on the doorknob and looks over her shoulder at him one last time.

 _Goodbye, Barry._

The door closes with a loud click behind her and she's back inside and she can already feel his absence and it hasn't even been a minute yet. She pauses for a moment with her back against the door and sighs as she fights the tears burning in her eyes. Squaring her shoulders she puts on a brave face for everyone else. She can't let them know he's leaving because they will try to stop him, try to talk him out of it and that's not what he needs. She knows him so well, knows he needs to get out of here to find the peace he needs.

Taking a seat next to her dad she's numb and the noise around her is nothing but a low buzz because all she can look at is the door waiting to see the flash of yellow light telling her that he's gone. She doesn't notice the way her father is looking at her. The others are looking at her as well and that's when she realizes their group is getting even smaller. Jesse and Wells are gone and now so is Barry.

A sob builds in her chest, bubbling to the surface, fighting its way up her throat ready to burst out. She can't be in here any longer; she can't let the others see her like this. She excuses herself, at least she thinks she does. Maybe she just gets to her feet suddenly and rushes out of the room ignoring their stares and questions, asking if she's okay. But she's so far from okay.

She's almost in the kitchen when she sees it out of the corner of her eyes. The flash of yellow lightning. And it's so bright she knows everyone else sees it. She stumbles her way in to the kitchen barely making it all the way there before a loud wail passes her lips and her legs give out and she collapses onto the floor in a heap.

Tears course down her face and she cries loudly, not caring. Everyone is out on the porch it's not like they can hear her. But it's pointless he's long gone by now and her heart is shattering in to a million pieces. She's losing him all over again and she doesn't even know where he's going. She can't check up on him and make sure he's okay.

"Barry!" she hears her dad scream in to the night, calling after his son and that's like a knife to the heart.

Her chest hurts and it's hard to breathe right now, she's gasping for air, but sobs are tearing up her throat making it sore, and she can't stop. It feels like there's an invisible hand squeezing her lungs making it impossible to catch her breath. It's always been easier to breathe around Barry and now he's gone and she's scared and she misses him and she can't fucking breathe. She struggles to calm down to stop the sobs, but they just won't stop and her lungs are burning.

 _Breathe, Iris, breathe._

It's his voice she hears in her head and she knows he's not there, but for some reason it helps. She closes her eyes and takes in shaky breaths and tries to calm down. She pretends that he's kneeling down next to her with his hand on her shoulder speaking calmly in her ear. And it helps, but she's still struggling and she can't stop crying because he's not really there, but now her chest is less tight and her breaths are deeper and less rushed and shaky.

She barely registers the familiar footsteps of her father as he finds in her the kitchen. He says nothing as he crouches down sitting next to her on the floor and wraps her in his arms and she falls in to him and she feels like a little girl again.

"Daddy," she cries. "He's gone. He's gone."

Her dad just holds her tight and doesn't reassure her, just strokes her hair. And she's sure that this is hurting him just as much, hurting all of them, but right now all she can do is feel the pain of him leaving. And fuck, it hurts. Because Barry is her home too, he's her rock and she doesn't know what she'll do without him.

That's a lie. She knows exactly what she's going to do. She's going to wait until he comes home, because as heartbroken as she, deep down she knows he'll be back, she just doesn't know when. And that scares her a little, but she holds on to the hope that it will be sooner than later, that he'll realize she can help him, that she can be whatever he needs her to be.

* * *

At first it's really hard. Hard not having Barry around. Hard to breathe without him. And she feels his absence in everything does because she's so use to him just being _there_ and now he's not. She cries more than she wants to and for a couple of days she allows it, but eventually she tells herself to suck it up. He wouldn't want her crying over him like this. So she stops. And throws herself into her work. Writing about how The Flash saved Central City from Zoom. It's simultaneously the easiest and the hardest thing she's ever written. After that she writes about anything she can, anything that will distract her. And maybe she puts herself in more danger than necessary chasing down leads, but it takes her mind of him being gone.

She knows she's not the only who is struggling with him gone. Her dad is having a hard time, but puts on a brave face for her. Cisco is visibly upset but keeps making jokes in only the way that he can. Even though it hurts she still hangs around the lab with Cisco and Caitlin and now Wally. Only there isn't much for them to do. Ever since Barry defeated Zoom there's been a lack of meta-humans.

She spends more time with Wally and they grow closer and he truly feels like her brother and she wishes she had grown up with him. Of course that starts the "what if" scenario, what if Wally had been part of their family growing up? Would she and Barry have the same relationship they have now? Would they be as close as they are? She tries not to think about and tries to be happy that Wally is in her life now.

It's been two months since he left. Two long months. But she knows that's not long enough for him to do what he needs to do, that it's not enough time to come to terms with his father's murder and everything else. However, it feels like a lifetime to her.

Since he's been gone she's formed a routine. Every night she sits on the porch and stares out on the street hoping she'll catch that yellow lightning she longs to see. And each night she doesn't, each night she goes inside alone. Deep down she knows she won't see it for a while, but sitting out on the porch when it's quiet gives her some kind of peace. It's the one time of day she allows herself to really think about Barry. Think about where he is and what he's doing.

And when she goes inside she whispers an "I love you, Barry," into the night hoping that wherever he is he'll hear her and know that she's waiting for him to come home. It's unlikely that he'll hear her, but she does it anyway, she thinks that even if he can't hear her that maybe somehow he can feel the strength of her words.

Tonight is no different. She's sitting on the porch like she always does, it's warm even though it's nearing the end of summer and she's wearing a tank top with a blanket draped around her and yet she still feels cold. Maybe it's because he's always been her source of warmth, figuratively and literally. Ever since he got his powers his body temperature runs slightly warmer than usually and she relies on that when she gets cold and his presence as always made her feel warmer.

It's later than usual for her to be out here, but she's not tired and she doesn't want to go inside. The quiet is nice and she needs the time to think. Today has been one of those days when his absence hits her really hard. Some days are easier than others and some days she just _misses_ him. And today is just one of those days where nothing has gone right and all she wants is him. Wants him to calm her down and make her feel better in only the way he can. Just wants to hear his voice and to see him smile. Then she reminds herself that two months is nothing compared to the nine months he was in a coma when she didn't know if he was ever going to wake up. At least now she knows he's alive or at least she thinks he is. He could be anywhere and even if she wanted to look for him she wouldn't know where to start.

Sighing she ducks her head down pulling the blanket around her tighter. It's one of his blankets and somehow it still smells like him and she sleeps with it every night. "I love you, Barry," she whispers and closes her eyes. She wants to say more, she always wants to say more, but never does, because it's enough. And she's afraid to let it all out because she may never stop and he's not here to listen to her anyway.

After a few minutes she opens her eyes and gets to her feet. She's about to reach for the doorknob when she hears it. "Iris."

She spins around and there he is. Standing right there on the sidewalk. She's frozen in place. No, it's not him. It can't be. Her hand comes up to cover her mouth as a sound of disbelief escapes her. Shaking her head back and forth she tries to tell herself that he's not real, that it's her imagination playing tricks on her, she's tired. But he's still there and he hasn't moved yet.

"Barry," she whispers her voice catching on his name.

He nods and even though it's dark she can see the corner of his mouth quirk up in that all too familiar smile that she's been missing.

"I'm here. It's me."

It's him. It's really him.

Then she's running down the steps the blanket slipping from her shoulders and falling to the ground forgotten as she runs to him. Her body collides with his as she jumps into his arms and he stumbles backwards slightly from the impact. He catches her easily in his arms as she throws hers around his shoulders and her legs wind around his waist, hugging him as tightly as possible. Her nose brushes against neck as she hides her face there, breathing him in as her tears soak his skin. He tucks his face into her neck and she feels his breath on her skin, uneven as he presses closer. They cling to each other, both afraid of what will happen if they let go.

She's not sure how much time passes before he speaks, but she doesn't care. It feels so damn good to be in his arms again, to feel his presence again and slowly she can feel the warmth creeping back into her body. She feels like she's home. She can breathe.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into her hair. "I shouldn't have left..."

She raises her head and her hands cup his face before she kisses him briefly on the mouth shutting him up immediately. He looks a little dazed when she pulls back and her hands remain on his face making sure he's looking her in the eyes.

"Barry. Allen. Don't. You. Dare. Apologize." She punctuates each word with a kiss and she doesn't miss the way he leans in closer after each kiss, his mouth chasing hers. For a moment she just stares at him, mesmerized by his green eyes and the way he's looking at her. Oh yeah, she missed that too.

Overwhelmed by her love for him (and his love for her) and the way he's looking at her and by just how much she missed him she kisses his face everywhere she can reach. She does it because she can. Because he came home to her. And because she needs to remind herself that he's real. Once she's done peppering his face with kisses she pulls back and his green eyes are burning straight into hers. "Okay?"

When he nods slowly at her she's pretty sure he doesn't remember exactly what he's agreeing to and she doesn't really care that much because he's here and she can breathe again, there's no longer that tightness in her chest that never really went away in the past two months.

She unwinds her legs from his waist to plant them firmly on the ground so he doesn't have to support her weight anymore.

And then he's crushing her body to his and she's holding tight to him her fingers at his back clenching his shirt between them. With her cheek resting on his chest she rubs it against the softness of his t-shirt and she can feel his heart thundering under her. The way his arms are wrapped all the way around her, his fingers buried and tangled in her hair makes her feel so safe and secure in his embrace. And she realizes that he's always made her feel safe even before he was The Flash. There's just something about _him_ , something about the way his hold on her is gentle and protective like he never wants to let go. He makes her feel like nothing can touch her when she's in his arms. She feels invincible and she wonders if this is how he felt so many months ago when he returned from the speed force.

When a yawn escapes her she realizes just how tired she is. She doesn't want to be standing on the sidewalk any longer. So she pulls back from his arms slightly and laces their fingers together to lead them inside. She pauses for a moment and braces herself for the rejection. Just because he's back doesn't mean he's ready to give them a try and it doesn't mean he's going to stay, that he's going to go inside with her. But god she wants him to. Needs him to.

She looks up at him shyly and he smiles back and she gives his hand a slight tug towards the porch and he follows her almost immediately. Relief floods through her and she's incredibly happy that he's not rejecting her right now. She grips his hand like her life depends on it, afraid that if she lets go he'll disappear again. But even feeling his hand in her own is not enough she keep looking over her shoulder at him to make sure he's still there.

And just as she reaches the top step almost to the door he stops her.

"Iris, wait."

She panics and feels her stomach drop like she's on a roller coaster. Oh god, he doesn't want to go inside with her, he doesn't want this. And suddenly she's over thinking everything, thinking that maybe after two months he doesn't want to be with her. She's so lost in her head that for a moment she doesn't realize that he's looking at her the way he always does. And when he says her name gently regaining her attention she sees it and he's looking at her the way that makes her go weak in the knees and forget her name.

She feels warm. He makes her feel oh so warm. And it's not bad it's actually really comforting and it's something that only he makes her feel. Like she's covered in her favorite blanket (which just happens to be one of his). And she's missed that warmth, warmth that only he can provide.

His hand gently pries itself from her grip so that his fingers can travel up her arms. His fingertips leave trails of electricity on her skin. Electricity that is unique to him. The very same electric touch that made her realize he was The Flash. But now that touch is something different, something she wants more of, something she wants to feel everywhere. And that warmth she felt moments ago is replaced by heat.

His hands reach their destination, resting on her neck the rough pads of this thumbs rubbing along her jawline. She just stares at him lost in his gaze and it's so similar to their last night on this porch. But she knows this time is different. It feels different.

"I love you, Iris."

And it makes her positively giddy to hear those words again. To hear the happiness in his voice. For it to be something else other than an anguished declaration of love that ends in tears.

Before she can tell him how much she loves him he captures her lips in a bruising kiss and her hands reach out to grasp his shirt so that she can steady herself. She matches the hard press of his lips against hers and for the first time they can truly explore. It doesn't take long before he coaxes her mouth open and she doesn't fight it, willingly opening up to him so they can kiss more deeply. She can feel his hands tremble slightly against her face and she smiles slightly moving her own hands to cup his jaw in reassurance.

She can feel his confidence build the longer they kiss as he moves his mouth against hers more assuredly, and kisses her more insistently and she kisses back with everything she has. His hands are no longer shaking as they drop to her waist and the tank top she's wearing is pushed up slightly and his hands find her bare skin, settling there only for a moment. They travel further up her back and his touch is burning, burning her up. A fire being left in the wake of his touch and she wants nothing more than for it consume her whole. Her hands fist in his hair so that she gets his mouth closer to hers so that she can tangle her tongue with his. He groans slightly into her mouth and she tightens her grip on his hair slightly at the feel of it. When he gently takes her top lip between his and gives it a light suck she's so far gone.

And then he's pulling away and she immediately misses his touch and wants to drag his lips back to hers and kiss him for the rest of the night. But she doesn't. She's left more than a little breathless, but she finds that she likes that a lot, likes that he can do this to her. His hands are running up and down her arms like he's trying to warm her up, little does he know that she's already so warm, she's burning up all because of him.

"Barry," she murmurs and that's all she manages for a moment. All coherent thought and logic is gone. Even if she could think straight she's not sure what she would say. And he just grins at her like he knows exactly what he's done, but she just takes in that grin because she missed it so damn much. Because that grin reminds her of happier times. And when he grins at her like that she swears the world gets a little bit brighter.

And the words finally find her and she's able to speak. "I love you too."

His smile widens and she's sure there is nothing in the world she likes more. Then she jerks her head towards the front door in question and he nods back at her. Her hand grasps his again and this time they go inside together.


End file.
